 <!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->A patient phones up his doctor and gets him to make a house call. <br><br>Doctor arrives, and the patient says to him: &quot; Doctor, my penis is all red and yellow&#33;&quot;<br><br>Doctor replies: &quot;Hmm... I&#39;ll have to examine you. Remove your trousers, please&quot;<br><br>So, the patient whips off his trousers and whips out his cock.<br><br>The doctor examines it and says: &quot;My God, that&#39;s in some state. Tell me, did you get it caught in a door?&quot;<br><br>Patient thinks for a moment, before saying: &quot;No.&quot;<br><br>The doctor ponders for a moment, then says: &quot;I&#39;m going to have to ask you someting intimate. Have you had sexual relations with a dirty woman?&quot;<br><br>Patient thinks for a moment again, then replies: &quot;No. I never leave the house.&quot;<br><br>Doctor thinks and then asks: &quot;Well, what exactly do you do all day?&quot;<br><br>Patient replies: &quot;I sit and watch pornos while eating strawberries and Quavers.&quot;<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--><br><br><!--QuoteBegin--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td><b>QUOTE</b> </td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->A publican decides to hold a competition - &quot;Whoever can make my donkey laugh within ten minutes will win free beer for a year&#33;&quot;<br><br>So, a few days go by, and an Irishman walks up to the bar and says to the publican: &quot;I&#39;d like try me hand at making your donkey laugh.&quot;<br><br>Publican replies: &quot;Alright, follow me out the back to the stable.&quot;<br><br>So the Irishman follows the publican out to the stable.<br><br>The publican says: &quot;He&#39;s inside. Head in when you&#39;re ready.&quot;<br><br>The Irishman heads into the stable. Ten minutes go by, and not a sound can be heard from the stable. The stable door opens and the Irishman walks out.<br><br>He turns to the publican and says: &quot;There&#39;s something wrong with your animal, he wouldn&#39;t laugh at any of me jokes.&quot; The Irishman heads back into the pub.<br><br>A few more days pass by. The publican is approached once again, this time by an Englishman.<br><br>So, the publican leads the Englishman out to the stable. Ten minutes go by, and again nothing.<br><br>The Englishman vacates the stable and says to the publican: &quot;That animal wouldn&#39;t know a joke if it bit it in the arse&#33;&quot;<br><br>A week goes past, and the publican is approached yet again, this time by a Scotsman. The publican leads the Scotsman out to the stable. The Scotsman enters the stable.<br><br>Five minutes go by, and the stable errupts with the sound of laughter. Another five minutes go by, and the laughter has turned into crying. The Scotsman vacates the stable.<br><br>The publican asks him: &quot;What did you say to make my donkey laugh and then cry?&quot;<br><br>Scotsman replies: &quot;I told him my prick was bigger than his, then I showed him it&#33;&quot;<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--> 